My first C-Section

OK, not MINE. (That would be a bit weird. And probably not make any sense.) I mean, my first time seeing one performed. For those of you who have ever wondered what the C in C-Section stood for. It's NOT Cesarean like some of you think. It's, "crazy". Bat shit crazy.

Allow me to elaborate on this further. I generally do not have a weak stomach. I am not afraid of needles. The sight of blood doesn't make me faint. I watch them draw blood when I donate. I have watched my own surgery on my arm (mole removal) and a part of my toe nail removed from my big toe. (Sounds horrible doesn't it) I watched open heart surgery, brain surgery, hip bone replacements, and cataracts removal. I have seen actual death videos, as well as the Y-incision for autopsies. I even dissected cow eyeballs and hearts in biology class. While a bit gruesome and stomach churning, I generally handled these events surprisingly well. And recently I have seen in detail, birthing and water birthing. I don't enjoy this stuff by any means, but I could get through them and learn a lot about the human body and our inner workings. Knowledge is power!!! And it's truly fascinating stuff.

However, a C(razy)-section, is just crazy. I DID not handle that well. At all. You see, Carlie and I in our quest for knowledge in all things "child birth" began watching lamaze videos, and child birth courses. We want to be prepared for Jayden's birth day. And we thought a Cesarean Section would be another interesting subject to study. So Carlie convinces me to watch one from start to finish, and it ended up with ME almost hitting the FLOOR.

See.. what happens here, is something goes wrong during labor and the doctors feel it's necessary to perform a C-Section, and they make a very long cut across your abdomen, and being cutting and clamping layers of fat and muscle to get to the uterus. And I watched all of this. Again, I did surprisingly well during the beginning of the procedure. Then all hell broke loose...

About the moment they broke the amniotic sack, there was a horrible gushing of amniotic fluid out of the mother's stomach as if a sprinkler had ruptured in your front yard. I believe it was at this point, the surprise of this put me in to shock, and I suddenly got very nauseated and increasingly dizzy as I watched them pull the child out of this hole in the mother. I don't remember much, other than trying to refrain from throwing up, and I remember Carlie attempting to hold me up before I hit the floor. I WAS NOT doing well. After 20 minutes of laying on the ground in the fetal position, I finally got my bearings and decided I should watch something like paint drying to get the images out of my head.

I am surprised I reacted in this manner. I really did not see that coming. But I am confident I cannot see one of those ever again. Furthermore, I do not want one performed on Carlie if we can help it. And if, god forbid, they have to perform a C-Section on Carlie... I absolutely cannot see it. And I will tell the doctors, "I tried to watch it once, and unless you want to pick me up off the hard floor... i'm fine and dandy up by Carlie's head."

Crazy. Just crazy.

The end of my current life

Ok, so it's not that bad. My life as I know it is ending, and the new one is beginning. The journey in to fatherhood. Something I have never experienced before. No more late night parties. No running off with Carlie when ever we please. No more band. It's time to grow up.

And believe it or not, i'm ok with that. I think I will really take to this whole Dad thing. For some reason I feel like i'm ready to take up the challenge. But that doesn't mean i'm absolutely terrified at the same time.

Jayden is going to be born in a little over a month. It's funny, because when I look back at my life a year ago, I couldn't even imagine Carlie being pregnant. And now I can't imagine her NOT being pregnant. I'm so used to Jayden kicking around in her stomach. But soon, he's going to grace us with his presence. I honestly believe I will do just fine with him when he's home. Carlie and I will bring him in to the most loving home and family. That part is great. And I will learn a lot... even how to do the whole poop diaper thing.

No, it's not raising him that absolutely terrified of. (It's still a bit frightening) But it's the day he comes that has me anxious. I haven't done this before. I have to watch the one I love go through a miserable amount of pain. That in itself is not easy to watch. Furthermore, i'm going to feel pretty useless. I don't know how to help her. I definitely can't help the doctors. I'm just the "guy in the way". I don't know what to expect. Entirely. I do feel a lot better having watched some of the instructional birth videos and what to expect in the delivery room. I even know some of the medical jargon used in the room so I can pay attention. But i'm generally the anxious type. The fear of the unknown. I'm like a cat. I'm nervious and anxious as hell about it. I may even be scared, but i'm so damn curious I always check it out.

With that said, i'm sure i'm going to be a complete babbling idiot in the delivery room. I'm going to be a nervous wreck. Confused. Out of it. Stressed. Anxious. It's the stupid kind of thought process where you worry about literally everything down to whether or not you drop the poor little kid on his head when you attempt to hold him for the first time. You get so wrapped up in worrying that you are going to pass out, I can see how it's easy to miss the moment completely. Even if you DON'T pass out. So what am I going to do?

I have absolutely no idea. I'm just going to get through it. I'm going to be there for Carlie, because it's about the only useless thing I can do. Being a guy sucks sometimes, because you're just expected to be there and support them. We don't have to go through all the pain and agony of child birth. And we constantly get railed for it too. That's not fair. You hear the cliche, "I would take away her pain if I could." And I bet a million women would call shenanigans if you said it. But even I have thought those same things up in my head. And not only do I believe it, but if I could prove it.. I would somehow. Regardless, I have no way of really experiencing what she will feel. I'm just the "dumb male" who got laid, knocked her up, and didn't have to suffer through it all.

I'm sure this will be a lot easier for me to manage the 2nd time around. I'm the sort of person that becomes comfortable with change when i'm experienced in it. This is so completely new and foreign to me, the first time through is going to be a head trip. A little over a month to go... man i'm so excited.

And terrified. lol

I only have one thing to say...

This is the biggest robbery of tax payer dollars in the entire history of the United States of America. Even when the overwhelming majority of Americans strongly disagreed with the proposed bailout bill, our representatives decided to LEAD us, rather than speaking FOR us. They do not represent, us the people. They represent the corrupt actions of capitalist businessmen in Wall Street.

I am deeply saddened by this historic day, and for the American Dream, never to be realized by my children.